well, just was going to say that I probably won't be online in the next few weeks because my fuckin dad doesn't want to understand that I have friends on here, and that I need to go on the comp in order to meet them.

all he says is, I'm spending too much time on the comp, in which I agree, but that's no reason to call me "ass face" "dumbest shit in the world" etc. afterwards.
I'd cause electricity costs, and since I'm on the comp so often he had to pay more and more. Even though I've always did so. I said, it's because of permanently rising energy costs, but he keeps thinking it's all my fault. on the other hand, he's in his room, talking to his girlfriend, then he leaves the living room the tv turned on - of course I am to blame for that lol. That's only one example. he tells me to turn off the lights, but when I came home from my mom's, guess what. nearly every light in our apartment was turned on. (actually happened twice the last week) Uhh.... sure. lol

If I say, he lets the tv on without watching he says, a tv wouldn't need so much energy than a computer. If I was playing high-reso games which actually need much power I'd agree on that, but all I do is either chatting or making music, which obviously doesn't take so much CPU power, thus, it doesn't need so much overall.

I've nearly freaked again today, and I broke my headphones while throwing it at the ground out of rage (which I really feel sorry for ;-; ), but fortunately I could control my temper and withstand his senseless insultings he keeps telling me if he's angered.
He figured I hit him with paradoxons that doesn't make sense, and using pathetic stuff as explanation for my behaviour, but at the end I just use the same methods he does use all the time. Too bad he'd never realize such a complex pattern of human behavior, that I'm doing this to show him how ridiculous he really is. some people are just stubborn and dumb. that's one of the reasons why I refuse to talk to him or name any reasonable background for my behavior.

So maybe I'm going to do the next step in this senseless war and take away the tower of this comp, which I payed with my own money. (screen, printer, mouse etc. isn't mine) I'm 18, I know what I'm doing, and if you need to have a comp too, stfu or buy another one. It's mine, so I can do what I want with it. Dear dad, if you can afford a fucking BMW even though you know you have debts as hell, then you can afford a new laptop/comp too. you can't handle money anway.

and If I want to stay fuckin 8 hours on the comp, let me. it's called calculated risk I'm willed to take it's not like I'm not doing other stuff I have to do.

It's funny though. If I defend myself that it's my right to decide what I want, he tells me to get out of "his" flat, and how it is "his" money I'm wasting, and if I don't want to follow his instructions, I can leave the house - as if he has nothing else to tell into my face. I mean, I may be his daughter, but I still have stuff like rights. Plus, he can't kick me out of my home like that, since he still recieves financial aid of my country, because I still live in his household. And as long as I'm still on my school, he can't do that. idiot.
He hardly pay anything for me, either I don't expect much or I have to pay it by my own. Neither do I go out to spent money, nor I get clothes frequently. Only thing you really buy for me is food and the basics of accommodation (like water etc...). Viewing my past, my sister always got more than me, but also because she always wanted more than I did. So the "you cause costs"-statement doesn't make any sense to me.
(I admit there's also the possibility to get a job, but... I need my art and my friends to keep me balanced, and applying a job including attempting school would probably brake my inner balance I achieved with hard work within these years... plus, I'm lazy and I don't want to have to take orders of some stupid greedy super market bosses, I can't stand that anyway. )

If I'm saying, there are other people who spend most of the day in front of the comp, he doesn't believe me. but when I tell him some classes were cancelled today, in order to miss school purposefully, he does lol.


Oh well, have to see how to fix my headphones. ._.;

okay, just to let you know something about my horrible real life.


I'll miss you guys.